508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
