I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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