I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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