im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
