Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
