I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize