So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Life is so much better after having sex.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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