I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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