Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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