im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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