I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
