I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
