Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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