Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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