next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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