I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
