Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
