weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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