everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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