i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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