Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
