Are we in a gay sports bar?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
