so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
