I'm going to jail i love you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize