By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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