ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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