i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize