I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
