Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
