so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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