the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
