oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
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