There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
