??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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