I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can't turn off my feet"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
