You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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