So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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