Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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