i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
