I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
