you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
