Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
