i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
