you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
