I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize