Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
