So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just tell him i said nine months
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
