You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize