Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
