We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
