found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
