Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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