my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
