woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
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