There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize