I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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