making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
