I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
