Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
