what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When are your genitals available?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
