Just cropdusted the office
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
