We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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