I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
