I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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