At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just pee around me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Bring me that man meat
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
