i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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