I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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