Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize