Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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