So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
