worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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