i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
