When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
