I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
