so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
