I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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