No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
