I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize